Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
