apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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