Dual....:-)
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
