he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
