Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
