I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
