Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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