Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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