I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
