Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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