look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
