o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
