my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
