I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
