Define "chronic" masturbator.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
