so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
