Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
