You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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