Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
