too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I will pee on everything he values.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
