my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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