If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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