He asked to "fluff my boner.."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
