is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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