All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
