I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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