I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
now i know why i became what i already was.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He better not be in your backpack
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
