the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
