I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
