Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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