We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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