Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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