but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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