I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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