i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
