No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
