when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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