I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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