I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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