so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish you could order shots online.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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