Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
