Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
