im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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