She is in my trunk
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
