Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize