Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
