A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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