He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
