i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
