He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
operation have a gay friend backfired
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
