I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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