That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We had sex on a dog bed..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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