Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
