But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
