We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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