Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
