Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize
