The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
