Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
