If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
