I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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