My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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