I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
