My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
